Dating With Intention in the Age of Swipe Fatigue

Are you feeling overwhelmed by the aimlessness of the modern dating landscape? Tired of endless swiping? Uninspired by the inane chats about meaningless topics that all too often dead end in ghosting? Unfulfilled by the dates that lack the kind of energy and connection that light you up? Then maybe it’s time to start dating with intention.

The point of intentional dating – meaning dating with purpose and a strong sense of self – is to ditch the swipe fatigue and bring focus and clarity to your dating life! This guide explores this mindful approach for cultivating meaningful connections in 2024.

How to Date with Intention

Conscious dating can range from the practical to the spiritual, depending on what’s important to you. 

Practical: If you are a practical person, intentional dating is about switching to a gently purposeful approach. You’ll want to focus on clarifying what you are looking for, understand your objectives for dating, and how it fits in with your general life ambitions. For you, it should be about seeking compatible partners who align with your values and goals.

Spiritual: If you tend towards the earthy, esoteric side, dating with intent might incorporate some spiritual practices as well. One example would be to practice mindful dating.

This type of dating is about being fully present in each moment you spend with your romantic prospect. It means being mindful of your own thoughts, feelings, and responses. In turn, you’re also being attentive to their responses – without trying to change who they are, or manipulate the experience to your needs and goals. A mindful date is an experience where you practice acceptance for yourself as you are leaning into the experience of connection. 

4 Mindful Practices for Intentional Dating

There are many ways you can bring mindfulness into your dating practice:

1. Defining Your Purpose

Set realistic but aspirational dating goals. Your purpose might be as simple as wanting to connect with someone who shares your passion for adventure and travel. Or you may want something more specific, like finding a partner who wants to join an intentional community with you or who shares similar child-rearing, political, or spiritual beliefs.

When clarifying your purpose, bring in as much detail as you want. The clearer you are, the more likely you are to quickly recognize whether or not someone is compatible. 

2. Curating an Honest Profile

Even if you are very clear on your purpose, it can be scary to put yourself out here honestly on an online dating profile. It’s best to choose dating sites that match your preferences and goals.

If you are looking for erotic connection without commitment, you would likely want to use a different app than if you are looking to get married or have a family. There are also apps that help you delve into kink, or polyamory, or that focus on particular sexual identities and communities.

Once you find the right dating app or apps for you, craft an online dating profile that authentically reflects your personality and interests. Share who you truly are and ask for what you really desire in a partner to attract compatible matches.

3. Doing a Clarity Check

Once you are dating someone, you can always use a clarity check to take a step back from regular conversation and ask clarifying questions. Such a clarity check is great when you start feeling like there might be some misunderstandings developing in your relationship.

It can sometimes be easy at the beginning of the dating journey to let things slide because you want the honeymoon to last forever. However, staying alert and mindful of what is actually happening is a big part of dating with purpose.

If you feel there’s confusion between you, ask for a clarity check to make sure you’re both understanding each other’s values, dealbreakers, and what you are seeking in a partner and dating life. An example would be something like, “Just to clarify – are you saying that you are never interested in getting married?”

4. Harnessing the Power of “No”

It is not uncommon for people to approach the dating experience with a sense of scarcity. Over time, they start to slide on their intentions and values for fear of being alone.

One important part of intention dating is actually noticing when someone is not a good fit. Although tough, you need to set boundaries or decline future dates once you realize what you are looking for is not there. When deciding whether you’re truly compatible, pay attention to their actions, not words. People may come into dating with the best of intentions, but that does not mean they are capable of meeting even their own expectations – let alone yours. 

The Benefits of Intentional Dating 

There are some wonderful benefits to intentional dating. These include increased self-awareness, attracting like-minded people, fostering deeper connections, and maximizing your time and energy.

Dating with intention helps you shift the focus from a superficial, looks-based approach to dating towards seeking genuine connection based on mutual understanding and deeper compatibility and attraction.

Mindful dating is a process, not a destination. It’s about self-discovery, enjoying the experience, and cultivating meaningful connections. When you date with intention, you embrace the journey and ups and downs and the experience of dating and relating as opposed to just bouncing from one swipe to the next. 

Intentional Dating Questions: Go Beyond the Small Talk

If you are ready to go on a mindful date, you should have some questions ready that have the potential to bring the connection to a deeper, more honest and vulnerable level more quickly. Here are some examples:

• Vision Quest: With this question, you’ll uncover a person’s values, and whether or not they are compatible with yours: “What are your biggest aspirations in life, and what kind of partner do you see supporting those dreams?”
  
• Quality Time Fantasy: If you’re curious about your date’s imagination and want to see if you share interests, you can ask about their quality time fantasy: “If we could spend a perfect day together, what kind of adventure would it be?”
  
• Vulnerability Vault: One way to open up to a person and help them open up to you, is to share something you’re scared of: “What is one thing you’re afraid of that most people wouldn’t guess?”
  
• Core Desire Lens: Most people are familiar with the 5 love languages, and it’s always a fine question to explore. However, if you really want to uncover a person’s emotional intelligence and get to the bottom of what drives them, you’ll want to find their Core Desires. These are the feelings they want to get from sex or intimacy. You can explain it like this: “People have sex because they want to feel something. Some want to feel loved or held. Others want to feel naughty, playful, or degraded. I’m curious – what you want to feel from sex and intimacy?”

The Dating and Relationship Life You Want Starts Now

2024 is your opportunity to embrace intentional dating and take charge of your dating journey so you can find a fulfilling connection.

So stop the mindless swiping and take time to reflect on what you really want for yourself. Only you can put your intimacy dreams out in the world honestly and openly – and invite what you really want into your life. 

What To Do Next:

• Book a session with a Certified Dating Coach 
• Read the books Making Love Real and Coming Together
• Take one of our Sex & Relationship Classes