Overcome low sex drive in women

Overcome a Low Sex Drive in Women

ByDanielle Harel

It’s true – the number one sexual complaint among women is a low sex drive. Many women feel shame about their lack of desire, and have been categorized as “low libido” by their therapists, doctors, and partners.

If this is your experience, you are not alone. Many relationships suffer from an imbalance in sex drive. Here are the seven major reasons for a low sex drive:

1. A Build-up of Resentment in Your Relationship

When you have been together with your partner for a while, frequently, you are in a pattern that has led to a build-up of frustration and resentment in your relationship. If this goes on for too long, you may begin to shut down sexually.

2. Lost Your Attraction to Your Partner

You might feel excited sexually once in a while – but you are generally feeling less and less attracted to your partner. While this may seem like it is largely physical and unchangeable, attraction can return if you start to experience good seduction.

3. Not Getting Your Hottest Turn-Ons

A couple will often get together and have hot sex in the beginning because there is the newness factor and uncertainty which both brings a lot of passion.

Over time, however, the hotness starts to wane and you can’t figure out why. One big reason may be that you have different ways that you like to have sex. And perhaps you never really talk about what is most arousing for each of you.

You can’t simply expect your partner to know how to arouse and seduce you when you don’t communicate. As a result, you aren’t getting the kind of sex you want, and this can lead to a low libido. Discovering what turns you on often solves the this problem.

4. Too Busy and Stressed Out

You are so stressed and busy that you forgot (or never really knew) what a resources sex can be to rejuvenate you and enhance your life. You may have been taught that sex is unimportant or trivial and so you prioritize everything else or just feel like it’s impossible to switch gears into sex when you are so stressed.

Sex coaching can teach you how to prioritize pleasure (not only sex) and take better care of yourself. When you engage in it fully and get what you really want out of it, sex can be vital to your ongoing connection with your partner, balance your hormones and relieve stress on a very deep level.

5. Body Shame

You may have the painful feeling that your body is not beautiful, lovable, or sexy. You think you are supposed to wait until you have an “ideal body” before you allow yourself to go after what you want. This can lead to low libido because you feel that you don’t deserve pleasure or care if you don’t look a certain way.

However – sexual chemistry and satisfaction is not about the way you look. It is about the way you feel and the attitude you project out in the world based on this feeling. Reclaiming your body can bring back your sexual desire.

6. Painful Sex

There are many causes that can lead to pain during sex – including vaginismus, chronic yeast infections, fibroids, endometriosis, and more.

Pain during sex understandably leads to low desire, but these problems do not have to rob you or your partner of an amazing and fulfilling sex life. Sex coaching helps you deal with the negative fallout from painful sex, and addresses sexual dysfunction so you can still experience all of the connection and vitality that comes from sex.

7. A History of Sexual Abuse or Trauma

A history of sexual abuse or trauma can lower your sex drive, as you may consciously or unconsciously avoid sex so as not to trigger painful memories or flashbacks. You may also have learned to dissociate during sex, making the experience less pleasurable because you aren’t really there to feel it.

Even if you have done a lot of work on your trauma, you might not have done work around reclaiming your body and finding out what is hot in sex for you. Trauma can make us not want certain kinds of sex. It shapes our desires which can lead to feelings of shame and discomfort.

Here’s How Sex & Relationship Coaching Can Help

  • Explore and resolve tension and resentment with your partner
  • Find or reconnect with your desire and learn how to be turned on
  • Discover your biggest turn-ons – and teach your partner how to give it to you
  • Move beyond body shame and embrace your sexy self
  • Create pain-free and trauma-free sex life

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Dr. Danielle Harel is the co-creator of the Somatica® Method, and the co-founder of the Somatica Institute. As a somatic sexologist and teacher, she has devoted the last twenty years to sex coaching and empowering couples, women, men, and groups. Danielle has published original research on Orgasmic Birth, and is the co-author of three books: Confidence, Making Love Real, and Coming Together.

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